Fix it in Post

If the love of your life was taken from you in a split second, would it shatter your reality?

Last Monday night, Franklin Park began a monthly film series in partnership with Film Wax. This monthly film screening will highlight locally produced films. It began with a narrative, “I’m Not Me” and next month it will continue with the documentary, “Sons of Perdition”.

It started with a squeak…”Hello?? Can you hear me?” We couldn’t. I looked around to find the source of the sound. Nobody was paying attention. The bar was nearly full. People were ordering food and getting drinks. The voice chimed in again, “Welcome to tonight’s showing of ‘I’m Not Me’. Order your food now, but the booze flows all night.” These were the only ground rules for the night. When the film started, everyone was paying attention. It was obvious when the first frame came on screen they all came for the screening.

Our main character, Josh, is walking near a railroad track in the middle of winter. He begins to burry a box. “What is he doing?” I thought to myself. The joy of seeing locally produced work is that there are opportunities to speak with the authors behind the film. After the film was finished the (Director, Cinematographer, and actor) took questions from the crowd. During this Q&A the most interesting thing I heard was about how the concept for the film was born.

Left: Franklin Park Sign - Right: Q&A Session with Filmmakers (Photo from: Film Wax Facebook)

“It began one day when we were driving down a road in upstate New York,” one of the filmmakers described. “There was just something intriguing about an image of someone vomiting on the side of the road and in the background you see his car. What got him to this point?” They made a number of these into short vignettes. They quickly realized that there was much more to explore and they decided to begin writing a feature script. That was the birth of “I’m Not Me”.

Not only did the film keep me engaged throughout the 80 minutes, but the crowd was just as engaged. There was a scene were a husband is about to discover his wife fucking another man, and the entire crowd was on the edge of there seats as the husband stood outside the door listening on. The movie had me asking myself questions constantly, none of which dealt with trying to figure out this alternate reality, you just naturally accept it. I captured a few of the moments that intrigued me:

From the opening scene: “He opens the box we all have…to see the memories of her. We all have the box, but not because we lost the one we love.” After we see the aftermath of a number of the blackouts: “Do the blackouts foreshadow anything?” “It’s a journey through grieving and acceptance” “Skipping out on reality to deal with grief, it is a dream…” And a final though almost immediately after Josh gets shot: “A story of burying the past…figuratively and literally.”

You may think having a film night in a bar is a strange concept, and it is. BUT I don’t recall seeing a single person walk out during the film. Everyone who was there at the start was there at the end, and even stuck through the Q&A. Nearly every chair was filled, and once this takes off they will be filling up the big room at Franklin Park. The only thing I would change for the next screening would be to add a “No Skeetball during film screening” sign.

I just registered to vote in NYC. For the first time, I registered for a party. So now I’ll contribute to the political clutter on the internet by sharing this ad. It touches on an issue that I hold close.

As I walk through the streets of my new city and reclaim the use of my imagination, this song is becoming part of the soundtrack of my life. 

As I adjust to life working in New York City, I find it key to just stay calm in the fast paced life I’m in. I can see how it would be very easy to become extremely overwhelmed. As I am denied rental cars, sent to the wrong location, yelled at to my face, in the ER after crashing my bicycle, doing just enough laundry to get through the week because that’s all the time I have, or realizing I’m half way through a 20 day block of working everyday I face each problem one at a time. Keeping calm and clearheaded so I don’t go crazy like this song does around 1:00.

“Suddenly I’m lost on my street on my block” - When I feel like this I’m lucky to have co-workers that are there to keep me on track. A common phrase I hear often is “If you wake up and forget what day it is or what city you are in, just call me.” 

When I fall, I fall hard, and I fell for this band. I really love the story they tell with the lyrics, so they are posted below. Bolded are some that resonate with me. 

Some nights, I stay up cashing in my bad luck
Some nights, I call it a draw
Some nights, I wish that my lips could build a castle
Some nights, I wish they’d just fall off

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know anymore…
oh woah, oh woah, oh woah oh oh
oh woah, oh woah, oh woah oh oh

This is it, boys, this is war - what are we waiting for?
Why don’t we break the rules already?
I was never one to believe the hype - save that for the black and white
I try twice as hard and I’m half as liked, but here they come again to jack my style

And that’s alright; I found a martyr in my bed tonight
She stops my bones from wondering just who I am, who I am, who I am
Oh, who am I? Oh, who am I? mmm… mmm…

Well, Some nights, I wish that this all would end
Cause I could use some friends for a change
And some nights, I’m scared you’ll forget me again
Some nights, I always win, I always win…

But I still wake up, I still see your ghost
Oh Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for, oh
What do I stand for? What do I stand for?
Most nights, I don’t know… (come on)

So this is it? I sold my soul for this?
Washed my hands of that for this?
I miss my mom and dad for this?

No. When I see stars, when I see, when I see stars, that’s all they are
When I hear songs, they sound like this one, so come on
Oh, come on. Oh, come on, OH COME ON!

Well, this is it guys, that is all - five minutes in and I’m bored again
Ten years of this, I’m not sure if anybody understands
This one is not for the folks at home; Sorry to leave, mom, I had to go
Who the fuck wants to die alone all dried up in the desert sun?

My heart is breaking for my sister and the con that she call “love”
But when I look into my nephew’s eyes…
Man, you wouldn’t believe the most amazing things that can come from…
Some terrible lies…ahhh…

oh woah, oh woah, oh woah, oh oh
oh woah, oh woah, oh woah, oh oh

The other night, you wouldn’t believe the dream I just had about you and me
I called you up, but we’d both agree
It’s for the best you didn’t listen
It’s for the best we get our distance… oh…
It’s for the best you didn’t listen
It’s for the best we get our distance… oh…